Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Losing Her


Five years.  It’s been five years since I lay on that table, joyfully looking at the screen, waiting to see that little light flash steadily, solidly.  Five years.  Five years since the silence and darkness of that tiny room enveloped us as the technician quietly asked us to wait a moment.  I knew.  I knew right then.  Case didn’t want to believe it and CJ was so tiny, but I knew.  Then came the motions, walking across the street, waiting for the blood draw, the long drive home from Philadelphia, the sleepless night, and the phone ringing, ringing, ringing at my desk.  I didn’t want to answer because I knew. 

“Courtney, the baby is gone.  I think you need to come in so we can help.” 

Was it silence or deafening screams that I heard?  I don’t remember.  I just remember taking notes like I always did for an exam.  Numbers low.  Cramping might occur.  Come in on Friday.  We can find out why.  I’ll take care of you.  Swallowing the dark air that suddenly filled the room.  That voice of the stranger (me).

“I understand.  I understand.  Yes, I understand.” 

Click as I set the phone down, the hollow dial tone as I picked it back up to call for a ride.

“Come and get me.  Our baby is gone and I can’t get her back.”

The quiet days that followed.  Waiting to drive back to Philadelphia, back to the hospital where CJ was born, back to see Dr. Shawl with his endless jokes and kind eyes, only knowing that this time I’d leave empty.  Empty in a way that I never thought possible.  Dropped CJ off and headed to wait.  Wait for hours and hours.  The clock rhythmically clicking.  Almost all day.  Had to fit me in between all of those blessed women who were sweating and crying as they brought those beautiful souls into the world.

“McGinnis?  McGinnis?  It’s time to go.  Walk across next door.”

The long walk.  The fleeting thought that they would be wrong.  She would be happily sleeping nestled against my heart.   That the dating was wrong.  That they forgot to hook up the heart monitor. Changing into the gown.  Silent tears sliding down my cheek.  Case always there.  Holding my hand.  Avoiding my eyes.  Staying strong.  Excusing himself as the kindly nurse came to prep me.

“I know what you are going through.  I’ve lost eight myself.” 

My eyes closing as the wheels start to move.  Bright lights.  Young eager faces poking me.  Their excitement at a new procedure for the day spilling over me.  Technical language.  Steps to the “procedure”. Tears starting to flow.

“What’s wrong?  Are we hurting you?”

“It’s just been a really bad day.” 

What do I say to that young, eager face?  Your triumph toward your education is my worst nightmare?  Your excitement about ripping my child from her warm soft bed is a bit off-putting?  My life will never be the same and you will go out with your friends to celebrate?  I am not going to survive this?

“What will happen to the baby?  Can you give it to me?”
“It’s too small.”

They said there was no reason to “put me under”; a local that will make me sleep would be enough.  The blackness overwhelmed me.  I woke, eyelids fluttering, to bright lights, a dull thud in my head, a hole in my heart, an emptiness that will never be filled. 

“You put up a good fight.”
“What?”
“You put up a good fight.  We had to put you all the way out.  You wouldn’t stop kicking me.”

I fought for her.  It gave me some comfort.  To know that until the end, I was her Mama.  I fought for her.  I fought… but I still left empty handed, empty hearted.  Out the doors.  To the cold car.  Stopping to get our beautiful boy who spent the day playing and eating meatballs.

The days to follow were a blur.  We ran out of town to our favorite place as if escaping the house, the town, and the world would change things.  The flowers came, the cards, the whispered phone calls as I lay, armed draped over my empty womb, on a wet pillow trying to figure out how to get up.
“She’s okay.  She can’t talk now.  Maybe next week.”

Next week came.  I went back to law school, to work, to being a Mama and a wife, returned phone calls, and wrote thank you notes.  The days stretched endlessly and the nights were even longer.  Sleep eluded.  My child breathing in and out kept me up on vigilant watch.  Somehow convinced that he was next, I couldn’t stop looking at him.  If I couldn’t protect the child in my womb, how could I protect the one walking around?  Days passed and the phone rang. 

“She was a girl.  She had Turner Syndrome.  You can try again.  It’s not likely to happen twice.”

We named her then, Lucy Marie McGinnis, our beautiful daughter.  It’s been five years.  I still miss her.  I am grateful for her beautiful sister who came less than a year later and her amazing brother who was my lifeline then.  I tried to listen to everyone say it would be okay.  That time heals all wounds.  Five years.  Life moves on.  Days are happy.  The sun shines.  I love my life.  I love my family.  I am strong.

I am not whole.  Every night I still say good-night to my sweet Lucy.  Why did she have to go?