Extreme Parenting

This weekend I was shocked to find out that we are "extreme parents". LOL! There is a show on cable called Extreme Parenting. I wasn't aware, but many of the things that we do are considered extreme. For instance, the show featured a segment on gender neutral parenting. For those of you who read this blog, you know I just talked about how I do think it's important, but there are limitations on it. In the segment, they filmed toys such as a little kitchen and talked about how this kid has a pink castle. CJ has a little kitchen and a purple castle. It never dawned on me that those things were girls toys. They also talked about teaching the boys to cook. CJ has been cooking in our kitchen since he was about two-years-old. He can pretty much make cookies, cupcakes, and brownies without me at this point (except for putting them into the oven). Again, I never realized that I was teaching him a girl thing.

Another segment talked about attachment parenting. It is something I did finally read up on a bit between CJ and Ceirnan as we were practicing portions of it without even knowing. For instance, we co-sleep with our babies. A practice many people are completely against even though there is research out there that shows fewer children die from co-sleeping than from SIDS. We also were not fans of the cry it out method although it worked well for many of our friends. When both the kids were babies, especially for the first three months, they were held practically all day long. With Ceirnan, I have a Moby wrap, which I prefer to wear rather than pushing her in the stroller, but she does get buggy rides too. The funny thing is we did these things because they felt natural to us not because we knew anything about attachment parenting. Reading up on it, only gave me some good information to provide people who chose to criticize our choices. I remember hearing from a family member that our style of parenting would cause our child not to know how to self-sooth. That was completely not what we were finding. He was able to quiet himself quickly and in fact is less likely to come to us when he falls down or bumps himself.

Of course the next point, came breastfeeding. I admit on this some say we're extreme, but I definitely don't think we go as far as many parents do. It's an area everyone needs to decide on there own. I breastfed CJ until just after he 2nd birthday. We decided to let him go that long based on research and suggestions from the World Health Organization. I will likely do the same for Ceirnan if she wants to go that long. She's definitely different than CJ and I can see her wanting to stop before he did. He was in love with breastfeeding and just wanted to cuddle with Mom. Ceirnan has a little more let's get down to business attitude. Plus, she has an older sibling who she wants to be just like.

Anyway, it was an interesting reflection. I guess I'll follow the advice that I give all my friends who are having children. Trust yourself...do what you think is good for your kids...ignore what others say or at the very least take it with a grain of salt.

Life or Something Like It

It's been awhile since I blogged. Life kind of caught me by surprise and I've been working through it a bit. The past three years have brought about so many changes and a great deal of loss. There are nights when I sit up...a lot of nights actually...with a heavy heart wondering when things will "get back on track". The days are not so bad. Life is busy. My children laughing can sustain me for hours. Hugs, kisses, and I love yous are a staple in our house. We seldom go more than an hour without one of us showing some love.

At night though...it's different. I'm often lost. I lay in bed thinking about the kind of woman I want to be...the kind of woman I want my daughter to see. Then things hit me. The loss of my best friend who is still alive but is unreachable to me. The loss of my grandparents and how it ties into my feelings of having no roots. How I used to love the fact that I/we had no roots...we could pick up tomorrow...we could be anywhere we wanted. The realization that ultimately I can only rely on myself and that I must make difficult decisions on my own. I think of how life deals everyone blows and if God is up there what he or she wants us to get from all of this.

Last night was a good night. My father is in town, some friends came for dinner, CJ sang songs for me. All should have been right by the world, but I was still up all night. I miss my daughter. It's strange to me that I can miss a child that was never born. I'm sure it's strange to other people too. I love Ceirnan so much and I think about how if we didn't lose Lucy we wouldn't have Ceirnan. However, I just want both of them. Lucy is just such a real presence in my mind and in my heart. I feel her missing on holidays and I think about what she would be doing now. I know it's a process, but I'm not certain I'll ever feel differently.