"I love the chub, chub, chub." This is a quote from the father of one of the children CJ goes to school with directed at Ceirnan. A man we don't really know at all and are certainly not friends with. It was followed up with "Don't tell my wife." (His wife is about 5 feet tall and maybe weighs around 90 lbs.) A week later we're at another party and again Ceirnan's leg is pinched and comments about how chubby she is are made. It has brought up a lot of emotions and struggles for me despite the fact that people who say it find it cute. These are not the first comments she's gotten. What I find interesting is that she's not really that chubby. She is at the lower end of the 50th percentile for weight and she actually weighs less than CJ did at her age. Everyone always commented on how thin CJ was when he was that size. He was a bit longer though. So the discrepancy has brought up to me is the fact that as a female she will likely always face body image issues while CJ will likely be spared from them simply because he's a boy. It is hard for me to swallow that the differences in the way we treat boys and girls start this early on.
For those who don't know, I am extremely overweight and have spent most of my life battling obesity. Even when I was thin in high school, I couldn't accept or see that I was thin and therefore suffered from an eating disorder. In law school, I just gave up the battle, gained a ton of weight, and am now trying to reclaim my life back. To do this, I've been looking at old pictures and trying to realize that there was a time that I was at a comfortable weight. The problem is that my size 8 frame was still a lot bigger than all of my friends who were size 2. Therefore, I never saw myself with a positive body image. Now I see people already putting Ceirnan into that race. I have already caught myself doing that. She was small when we brought her home (6lbs 5oz) and she gained about 5lbs over two months. I was so concerned. The pediatrician was applauding me for good breastfeeding especially since she was recovering from the injuries to her arm (which can cause children not to gain as much). I was absolutely worried that I was overfeeding her and that I would make her fat like me.
Now given this new phase where people feel it is acceptable to comment on her "chubbiness", I am asking myself how to ensure that I don't repeat the cycle of bad body image. I grew up with lots of amazing people around me, but I can remember constantly hearing how I wasn't as skinny as my cousins or how if I just lost 5 lbs I would be in great shape. The comments were meant to help and motivate me, but instead crippled and alienated me. I do not want to do that to my daughter. I want her to feel like she can be healthy for the sake of being healthy not because some person or media outlet says she needs to look like the newest Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen. I do not want her to walk in my footsteps and become obese, but I want to ensure that she avoids that path in a positive, healthy way. She has a girl cousin who is likely to be extremely tall and thin. How to I keep people from comparing the two? Ceirnan isn't likely to have those genes. How can I keep her from feeling like she isn't as beautiful because she has curves. Who would have thought this issues would come up so early?
Anyway, I'm really not sure of the answers to these questions. I'm barely beginning to delve into them for myself. For now, I suppose the best thing I can do is continue to encourage healthy eating and exercise for CJ (and Ceirnan as she grows). I can't control what others say to her, but I can certainly explain why I think it's inappropriate if someone does say something.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
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2 comments:
My baby's chunky. And I'm just fine with that. Oddly enough, it's been the way we've gauged the kid's growth spurts. The thighs get pudgy and a week later the kid's a couple inches longer. It's a sign that I need to go through the drawers. And as far as I'm concerned, at this age it's not much else.
All we can do is give them healthy choices. My kids love cookies, but actually request broccoli at dinner. I didn't eat broccoli until I was an adult. The first thing they clear from their dinner plate is usually the veggies. So I'm going to keep giving them veggies as long as they eat them and hope they keep loving the good stuff and enjoy the not so good stuff in moderation. And when the weather's nice, fortunately most of the time here, we kick them out to the backyard to play.
The kicker is doing that for myself. Because I have a feeling that once I stop breastfeeding, my recent portion sizes are going to come back to haunt me.
LOL! On the breastfeeding comment...I've lost 50 lbs since Ceirnan was born and it's not because of increased exercise. I keep thinking I'll just breastfeed her until all my weight is gone.
It's funny too because CJ loves broccoli and other veggies too. My mom was laughing the other day saying he must love coming to visit so that he can have junk food.
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