Breastfeeding

First, I just want to make clear that every mother needs to make a decision about breastfeeding on her own and in the best interest of her child. I have plenty of friends who have chosen formula or have supplemented with formula for a variety of reasons. I am not one of the women who looks down on other mothers for making decisions that are different than my own especially when those decisions are necessary for the happiness or health of their children. All that being said...here is my discussion on breastfeeding.

It's hard. LOL! No one tells women how hard and tiring breastfeeding can be, which is why many women get frustrated and give up. I was lucky. Both on my children took to breastfeeding immediately. Don't get me wrong there is a bit of a learning curve, but they both pretty much latched on right after the were born. CJ didn't let go for two years. I believe in the health benefits of breastfeeding and exclusively provide breast milk for the first year until cow's milk can be given.

It's amazing. It creates, in my opinion, a wonderful bond with your child and allows you time to soak up motherhood. Since they both loved to feed I spent the first 6-8 weeks feeding and feeding and feeding and feeding them. There are times when it doesn't feel amazing. When you are so tired you think you're going to pass out. When you do pass out and then feel guilty because maybe he or she could have fallen. When you realize that you will never again have the same shape you once did.

However, breastfeeding is especially important to me being a working mother. With CJ in particular, I really felt like I was missing out. I had to work;I was in law school during the evenings; and the commute was an hour or so each way. We really couldn't afford for me to stay home or at least we thought we couldn't at the time. The time that I spent breastfeeding was CJ and Mama time. It was the one thing I could give to him that no one else could. With Ceirnan a lot of the same feelings are there, but its not as stressful because my husband is a stay-at-home dad now, we live within five minutes of work, and I finished school.

I remember vividly breastfeeding in the car outside of the law school or running back to Philly (a 60 min. drive) to breastfeed quickly before turning around and going halfway back before school. It was stressful. The more stressful part was pumping. I know some women who swear by it, but the breast pump is my nemesis. I hate it. I hate all that it represents. I hate having to sit in my office and attempt to think about my child (who I am heartbroken to leave) and try to squeeze out enough ounces for the baby while I'm gone.

This time around it's easier. I'm pumping 2-3 bottles a day while she is only eating 1 bottle a day. I've got piles of milk frozen. It's awesome. With CJ I had to pump around 24-32 oz per day since I was gone so much. There were times when it just didn't happen. Then I would panic and be up half the night trying to get a bit more out. Then there are days, like today, when I forget the pump so I just sit here hurting and knowing that it's going to be that much harder tomorrow since my body is catching the signal that I don't need as much milk any more.

I'm glad that I do it. I feel good about it even when people think I'm crazy for it. Even when I get stares from people if I'm out. It makes me feel like I may never be able to give them all that they need, but at least I can give them this.